The Hills Have Eyes

Despite being warned by a cranky old garage owner to stay on the highway, know-it-all "Big Bob Carter" (Russ Grieve) decides to take his family on a dirt track so they can try to find an old silver mine. The road is barely designed for a donkey, much less a car towing a caravan and so into a ditch they go and their troubles begin. Initially, that is just the inconvenience but when one of their dogs heads off, chased by his son "Bobby" (Robert Houston - clad in the tiniest pair of shorts that still appeared perfectly adequate for modesty, though), we start to realise that there is danger all around them. Yep, they have strayed into the territory of a family of interbred hillbillies who are quite happy to terrorise the family. Should they stay in their van or try to escape? What about the baby they have with them? At least they still have one more dog! Can they survive? To be honest, a combination of hysterical screaming and some terrible acting (except from the dog) made this nigh-on unwatchable for me. The production - single camera with terrible editing and continuity - seemed to lurch from one badly framed shot to another and the fact that this family of urban drips developed some ruthless desert-ninja skills in a matter of moments - especially the hapless "Bobby" who at least put some jeans on - just contributed to a scare free story that left me bored. Nope, just not for me...

**_An Ohio family vs a clan of cannibals in the Southwest desert_** Wes Craven developed this after the deserved success of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” with further inspiration stemming from the 16th century ‘Sawney’ Bean legend of Galloway, Scotland. “Deliverance” was also no doubt an influence, not to mention a little “Straw Dogs” seeing as how the theme involves civilized people turning to utter savagery to survive, which was also the moral of “Witchfinder General,” aka “The Conqueror Worm.” The milieu and general vibe is similar to “Gargoyles” from four years earlier, but this is easily the least of all these movies due to a lack of artistry, dull storytelling, and comic booky antagonists. It would’ve worked better IMHO if the cannibal family was depicted in a more mysterious manner. Instead, they’re depicted in broad daylight pretty much from the get-go. If you can roll with the cheesiness, however, the proceedings pick up in the last act with an interesting turn-the-tables element. Janus Blythe stands out in the feminine department as Ruby, who thankfully comes to the fore in the final half hour. More should’ve been done with her. Janus happened to be one of the few good things about Tobe Hooper’s “Eaten Alive” from the year before. Dee Wallace (Lynne) is a slightly lesser highlight while conventional blonde Susan Lanier (Brenda) is a’right. A sequel came out in 1984 (which I have yet to view; and probably won’t after seeing this), followed by a remake in 2006, which isn’t exactly great but it’s superior to this, plus a mediocre sequel in 2007. The Asylum’s “Hillside Cannibals” came out shortly after the remake and it effectively kept the proceedings raw, grim and horrifying. S. Craig Zahler was inspired by these films (and the “Wrong Turn” franchise) for his superior "Bone Tomahawk,” which is distinguished by being a Western. It runs 1h 30m and was shot in Victorville in the Mojave Desert, which is located 85 miles northeast of Los Angeles. GRADE: C